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English It devastated me. This man refused to leave.my life.alone. Naturally, all we want to do is verbalize our innocence and defend ourselves against this smear campaign. Honestly, while exposing the narcissist to the people in his life may help some of them to get a clue and stop allowing themselves to be his narcissistic supply, it’ll only temporarily slow the narcissist down. The narcissist will smear your name to your friends and family and possibly tries to take a head start in doing so. Our silence actually creates plausible denial in the smear, ultimately causing the truth to prevail. I never paint her as being an evil person, although her actions may be, she is just the product of an abussive childhood who now is a covert narc and unable or unwilling to change. Some opt to move right into a silent treatment stance. But the truth is this: people really donât want to hear about your drama and they will WELCOME your silence. Iâm also âdrama filledâ âunreasonableâ. Unsubscribe at any time. Other than wanting him to follow the visitation order regarding his child and telling him repeatedly that Iâm frustrated that he doesnât make any effort to see his child except for around holidays and his birthday, I havenât done anything (no stalking, attacking his girlfriend, threats, etc). Listen, you sound like a very honest person who believes in doing the right thing. No one! Secrets and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist, Are you married to a narcissist? If you have a lot of friends or if people like you, if you have a very loving, supportive extended family, he is going to try to ruin that. In this case, silence is a foolproof solution to a very big problem and you will have finally beaten the narcissist at one of his own fucking games. Let me know in the comment section! Connecting the dots…. Has your narcissist subjected you to a smear campaign? Understanding that people who smear campaign … I guess email me – if the possibility becomes available. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Should you warn the new ‘supply’ about the narcissist? But as always, you smile as you die a little inside, bit by bit, each time your voice gets silenced…each time you are blamed and shamed for reacting to your narcissist’s emotional and verbal abuse. DM, Wow! Overcoming A Smear Campaign By A Narcissist . This usually involves some perceived offense in which the target stands up for him or her self and is rewarded with a big old case of narcissistic injury. For her, it will always be me or you, and I will always lose that battle. See, they are people psychologists group in with the Cluster B personality disorders – and these types are known to pathologically lie, gaslight and run smear campaigns on their victims. When a covert narcissist decides that you are too good for them they will start plotting their sinister smear campaign against you and they will smirk with satisfaction when they look at the trail of destruction they have left behind. The narcissist will project whatever image might suit their needs at the moment on to the target, and they use this to self-stroke their ego. Everyone feels bad for. Or maybe they've left you, and you're still really,... Divorce is always difficult and life-altering. They will try to charm people to boost their ego, get attention, and to use them for manipulation purposes. The best and only solution to dealing with this kind of person and remaining or becoming happy in your life is to take back your power and choose to create the life you really want, with or without the narcissist – most likely, without. So sorry! One day, it just kicked in that I should just stop. This might begin subtly at first, as in sharing “pointed” memes and quotes, or it might be more overt, as directly calling out the victims on social media. Going no contact or low contact is statistically the most successful way to do it and the only “sure-thing” kind of answer you can find. The smear campaign starts with friends and family and stories about how poorly you are treating the narcissist. I spent 4 years of my life giving everything including providing a much improved financial position to CLA includung a house only to be ruthlessly discarded in an attempt to utterly destroy me spiritualky, financially, physically, emotionally…well, you know the drill,,,me the ultimate bad guy, she the poor misunderstood unfairly mistreated victim in public, major abuser and life-sucking vampire behind closed doors. We respect your privacy. Smear campaigns are a method of damage control that narcissists implement when they know they have been found out. This is what he is counting on. People do pick sides but by not saying anything from here on in, by being confident in the truth that you know, you don’t have to defend yourself anymore. “A Bittersweet Good-By” (A Poem to a Narcissist), How the Married Narcissist Plays His Victims, A Narcissist Always Returns (The Hoovering), Narcissists & the Compartmentalized Life (Part 1/2), Narcissistic Partners & the Relationship Agenda, Narcissists, Cell Phones, & My FB Revenge Confession, How to Read a Narcissist (& Turn the Projection Ploy to Your Advantage), Narcissist Manipulation & Neural Linguistic Programing (NLP), Narcissists & the Sport of Seduce & Discard. It is usually all done after the fact. I am a writer, and .my computer and devices have been hacked an d one of his flying.monkeys stole and distributed my book; now people.are.quoting.my book back ro me. I’ve now ended and up homeless and sleeping in my car due to the abrupt eviction and I’m also under criminal investigation while the abuser sits back and has a field day with the sucess of his deceit and games. I felt it should remain a safe haven for all and serve its place of worship and Biblical trurh, not become a battleground or entertainment of gossip place. And these days, one of the easiest and most effective ways to covertly bully a victim is through social media. It’s not worth it – it will only further serve to make you miserable. Sure, we can run around behind him doing damage control or talking smack back but we’re dealing with a narcissist here and he will use our defensive reaction as proof that we are exactly as he describes. Not sure if this is the right way to approach things or not but it works for me. Wayne â the ex of my book When Love Is a Lie â was a shit talker. One couple pulled me aside and asked if I knew who he was!! And here is why. Smear campaigns are a means to make us lash out. i am not.perfect, and I have my moments, but I am not.an evil, heinous person. I explained that you had a similar situation and perhaps he could reach out to you. Smear Campaign & Flying Monkeys: "Dear Meredith, Thank you for your videos. But I do need to engage in more self-care and healing. That’s because, according to Robert Hare, PhD, “their information, including emotional information, is scattered all over both brain hemispheres – it takes too long or the brain to retrieve and process information, and the entire process of socialization becomes so ponderous that ultimately, it fails.”. Yes, it is hard to do but â OMG â the rewards are amazing and they come quickly. Sharing is caring. They begin by embedding little seeds of doubt in other people’s minds that will eventually cause that person to think a certain way about their target. That’s because it doesn’t work the same way as a “normal” person’s mind does. The narcissist alienates their target from family members once again by lies and gossip. When a narcissist does a smear campaign they try to gain bystanders and sympathy by looking like a victim or hero instead of the inhuman narcissistic abuser they actually are. I have been going through this for the past 2 years regarding my youngest childâs father. She tells people I did something terrible, like plagiarism or (fill-in-the-blanks). Can you please remove my name and just put my initials, thanks. I've encountered this over and over with narcissists. Re: 'Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn't a Narcissist', Covert Narcissist Discard: Does the covert…, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching Program: Clear the Slate, do literally anything to get what they want, Why Narcissists Run ‘Smear Campaigns’: The Neurological Components, A Smear Campaign is Like Emotional Masturbation. So, you’ve found yourself under fire again, the victim of yet another apparent smear campaign – courtesy of a toxic narcissist, of course. This strategy is foolproofâ¦and why? Because of my silence, when the relationship was really over, these friends automatically gravitated towards me and they had been HIS friends to begin with. in the comments section below this video and let’s discuss it. It might even be that, with a break-up on the horizon, you’re worried in advance of what you already know will certainly be one. The police officers who arrested me are from the Domestic Violence Unit and due to their inexperience with NPD they ended up mistreating me and retraumatising me during the interview and I was fingerprinted and then taken back to the house only be told I had 4 minutes to get what I needed before I was evicted and banished from the property. But narcissists are different – they are far more likely to engage in manipulative behavior – and for one simple reason: they will do literally anything to get what they want – and that includes maliciously lying or spreading rumors or exaggerations about you. We are now estranged from our son due to her master manipulative tactics to … It should be noted that not every narcissist engages in a smear campaign. Ultimately, their own reputations suffered as a result and for that I am sorry. Let’s face it, a divorce can be a traumatic experience especially when you’ve dealt with narcissistic abuse, and jumping into the dating scene can be more than you might be ready to deal with. When you are under libelous attack by a person who has deceived and defrauded you, there is a possibility that the person is a sociopath. I have taken traumatizing blow after blow, from all angles, always needing to defend myself. When the narcissist does this, the best thing to do is to not say anything. Copyright © 2020 ZBallard. In these cases, you simply have to be confident in the truth that you know and carry on. Maybe because she is a woman and I am in an office primarily of women. Im an empath. Rather than taking fun strolls down memory lane and laughing together, you’ll find yourself feeling like you’re literally sleeping with the enemy. But I feel like am stalked. You notice that the guy does NOTHING but talk shit about his ex for hours on end but when you see her, she says nothing about him at all. I was so wrong. See, most people feel empathy for others in their lives, and they’d never want to hurt someone they love. And, when a kind-hearted person takes pity on the poor, injured narcissist, as they inevitably do, the narcissist feels validated and immediately understands that they’ve found a new potential target – or at the very least, a new flying monkey. While the narcissist is telling those close to him or her how poorly you are treating them, they are grooming their new target. Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie - packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! The fact is that unless you’re intentionally educating yourself about toxic narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder, you can’t really understand the way a narc’s mind works. I can’t help but see the bigger picture and all sides of the issue. In fact, by making one amazingly simple switch within our reaction to it, we can all but instantly change the dynamic of the smear itself. ..I chose not to involve people from church. The narcissist will point out that the victim is behaving exactly as s/he predicted, and will use the victim’s natural response to this outrageous smear campaign against him or her. Also Visit: No one likes him and no one loves him in his estimation, so if he can't have friends or family, nobody should have friends or family. I grabbed my dog and forgot to get my medication and medical devices that Ineef due to the fact that I have a disability. It’s a bit like emotional masturbation, which they accomplish by manipulating other people’s relationships and creating situations in which they can triangulate people. We know it’s pointless. As the victim spirals through the pain and emotional torment of being publicly humiliated and experiencing the deepest depths of shame, betrayal and general invalidation, the narcissist feels no sadness or remorse; rather they find themselves feeling physical, emotional and psychological pleasure. Somehow, running a smear campaign provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence to begin with. To the narcissist, the purpose of a smear campaign is to bring you down while simultaneously lifting their ego. I will say if I had known I was being set-up in the beginning on the same day of her final discard, I would have remained silent and not stood up for myself within earshot of friends she had already groomed to believe I was abusing and controlling her….because when I defended myself and pointed out she was not keeping her promise to me she had made just 3 hours previously this gave her “the proof” she wanted them to see and they became her witnesses in court. People arenât stupid and not everyone buys into the narcissist’s shit. A Narcissist’s smear campaign is an underhanded way to destroy a survivor’s credibility and reputation. They have absolutely no empathy for anyone else, and they only show feelings of remorse if it becomes necessary to do so – as in, if they get caught. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. Living with a narcissist puts you in a tough spot: you sort of forgo the simple pleasures in life. The smear campaign is one of the oldest narcissistic tricks in the book. They won’t lose it publicly as the more overt less controlled narcs. For this, i am sad for the person I loved and for the person I see trapped inside who she could have been and never will be, but I have to remember who she is and that she has absolutely no problem nor concious to prevent her fromi taking pleasure in utterly desyroying me and leaving my life a scorched earth. When you date someone or marry them when they came into your life, they literally swept you off your feet, ... Due to that trauma bond and being left with no closure the ex usually matches the narcissists smear campaign words, so the exes are often suffering from CPTSD and looking for answers, the narcissist lies about them often matches the exes … The key, my friends, is to say NOTHING at allâ¦not a single worldâ¦and, believe me, there will be power in your silence. I can’t really give you my email in a public post – but perhaps Zari Ballard could email both of us – each others email address; as she can see more information than the average public user can. This way, when or if their victims try to speak out or get help (or even support) with the abuse, the victim’s credibility has been undermined in advance. This means when daddy is talking smack about mommy to the kids, mommy, although she wants to, does not reciprocate. Although I now am able to keep silent and it is really hard especially at church, Unfortunately i was not in a position to remain silent in the beginning. Why You Shouldn’t Defend Against A Smear Campaign. I turn for help and my legs are taking out from under me….I am frankly surprised I am opening up tonight. I did not involve anyone else. When someone lies to and about another, they reveal their most covert core nature. All rights reserved. But though they recognize the moral wrongness, they equally show no concern about it as they actively work to recruit flying monkeys – people who (wittingly or not) do the narcissist’s bidding. Even if you disengage from any interaction with the narc, the war may continue. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Hi DP…I would have to say that the fact that she is a woman and you work in an office of primarily women is the key to the problem. After the narcissist discards you, you may have mixed feelings. A common smear campaign might involve portraying the former victim as some sort of crazy, bipolar, addict, alcoholic, unstable, good digger, thief, cheater, or bad parent. Deep down, gossip or not, the truth really does shine through to all these idiots. You might find yourself feeling shocked or even confused by the smear campaign, because it’s not normal behavior. what a narcissist does when he feels threatened, narcissists don’t really see others as people. I have a story similar to your own, and I have been left with no one to open or talk to. I consider you a true friend. We have been there and we can help you heal. Together or apart, they’re always causing drama and within the group, everyone is annoyed. So, the couple finally breaks up and now you start seeing them each separately. A lot of narcs use sob stories (such as “this person has treated me so poorly, poor me, feel sorry for me) – as part of their love bombing and or hoovering tactics when they’re hooking in a new victim (or trying to re-hook you once you manage to get away). Did I feel embarrassed sometimes to be around people KNOWING what he must be saying when Iâm not there? Eventually, he will have to stop talking. Even if they’re directly confronted with actual facts that invalidate their lies, narcissists will hold on to those lies. It's called soul murder on-line, and I agree it feels like that. Have you ever been the target of a smear campaign? A smear campaign is pretty much what it sounds like – they are going to smear your name to your friends and family and try to do it first so that they come off looking like a victim instead of the nasty inhuman that they are. 121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You, Believe it or not: This is THE Most Soul-Crushing Part of Narcissistic Abuse, The Shy or Introverted Narcissist (Video), True Survivor Stories: 28 Things a Narcissist Does When Love-Bombing (Beware! Hereâs Wayne talking crap about me to a group of people that we both know and theyâre all thinking Holy Crap, does Zari even know this guy? Because, of course, in his version of the story, you’ll be just the crazy bitch who was so mean and hateful to him and who tried to make his family and friends hate him. Since, throughout the relationship, you mainly kept your mouth shut about the problems you … When someone is not inside the web and they know it, they will try to marginalize this person by for example using a smear campaign. The kids will figure it out and so will everyone else – and all without you ever saying a word in your defense. The narcissist paints you in a misleading and toxic light using strategies including but not limited to exaggeration, instigation of rumours, slander, and lies. After you have … Learn how your comment data is processed. Sadly, this behavior is entirely normal for toxic narcissists. All I did was tell the truth, not embellish, pray and do my best to maintain my composure even while my heart broke and was ripped to shreds. By talking smack around town about the discarded partnerâ¦by getting âthe word outâ about how horrible the ex isâ¦the N feels pumped up and vindicated about however the relationship came to an end. I’m so sorry for the delay in responding to my comments! This has been going on for 9 years. In fact, I discovered that our silence during the smear campaign exposes him for the asshole that he really is. In fact, it’ll give him or her the proper fuel s/he needs to get his next supply on the line – his very own savior. The whole thing has taken a major toll on my health. A narcissist’s smear campaign usually begins prior to the discard stage of a narcissistic relationship. The cheating Covert Narcissist. Most narcissists, … Ha-ha! Thank you so much for reading here and for sharing your story. And even harder to swallow is the fact that narcissists will often claim to be victims of their own kinds of abuse – and they’ll play the injured party while they torment their targets secretly. If you’re stuck with the narcissist because you’re co-parenting, or because he or she is your boss or mother-in-law and you just can’t go NC for some reason, the best response is to use the gray rock method – in which you literally don’t react at ALL. No one loves the narcissist unconditionally like we foolishly did. Everything he says inevitably goes out the window. It’s like the very stuff that makes life worth living becomes forbidden to you – and as you watch those in healthy relationships have normal, healthy interactions with their loved ones, the pain can become even more intense. Iâm here to tell you that, throughout all of the N’s smearing during and after the relationship, all we ever have to do is be quiet and be normal and the N will quickly end up looking like the piece of shit that he is. But the best solution to deal with smear campaigns is this. There can be many reasons such as you seeing them for who they really are, to discredit you should you decide to expose... narcissisticandemotionalabuse.co.uk. She never even mentions him! Worse, the longer the smear campaign continues, the more committed the narcissist becomes and the more outrageously he will behave. To the surprise of many victims, the narcissist’s smear campaign started long before the relationship ended, which is one of the reasons why smear campaigns are so effective and hard to defeat. You can also subscribe without commenting. Sure, we can run around behind him doing damage control or talking smack back but weâre dealing with a narcissist here and he will use our defensive reaction as proof that we are exactly as he describes. The problem is that many people if not most don’t give a shit about the truth. Smear campaigns. My narcissist has experience in audio and he eacesdrkpped.and recorded.conversations. Running a smear campaign somehow provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence, to begin with. Maybe you're feeling relieved after struggling with whether or not to leave the narcissist, but they saved you the trouble by discarding you first. Covert narcissists feel defective and and they, as introverts, cannot stand it when their scapegoat is doing well and happy. Because in the end, the truth really does prevail and our silence allows it to happen. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. The Narcissist will spread vicious lies and rumors, all the while playing the “woe is me” card and playing the victim. Hope this may help someone. What exactly IS a narcissist anyway? People seem to have picked sides, mostly hers. My husband and I are suffering from a smear campaign brought on by our covert narc daughter-in-law. The first is that he is jealous of you for some reason. Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality, Narcissistic Tactics (It’s All Smoke & Mirrors), What IS a Narcissist Anyway? You have triggered the narcissistic injury. When we dump a narcissist or a narcissist dumps us, one of the first things that they do (to make themselves feel better) is embark on a smear campaign. Hello. Devaluing occurs throughout the relationship in … To a select few, who have renained friends and already in the know of our situation nevause of her comnents to them, or to those men who I am accountable to in each ministry I have given the briefest explanation. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online. The smear campaign is one of the oldest narcissistic tricks in the book. You never know who your story could help! So, for example, a narcissist might run a smear campaign on a friend or even a spouse by making up rumors and stories about their target’s mental health (or lack thereof). Unfortunately, again, this is not what CLA chooses to do, knowing I am actively engaged in several ministries at church. Cuz the narcissist can smear your name, lie about the events, call you all kinds of names and castigate your character. Those of us who have just left a narcissist or have been discarded by a narcissist we know how nasty the smear campaigns can be. When someone name calls, gaslights others, and bullies to socially seek to advantage themselves at the deliberate expense of another they self-reveal their own thoughts, mindset, and truly socially untrustworthy intellectual as well as emotional processing. Most of us who’ve been involved with a narcissist have experienced being the target of a smear campaign at one time or another. So your advice, while it sounds good, and it is really the only thing I can do, is not really working for me. Unsubscribe at any time. I wish so much that you didn’t have to deal with this every week in church or during your ministries. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. If you’re still dealing with the narcissist, you can try this tip. Of course it was. I began recording.messages to him on my personal.digital recorder, knowinf that he had somwthow tapped into it and could hear my recordings. I like virtually all people and I'm … They are means to get under our skin. The narcissist, if you allow him to talk unfettered, will eventually alienate the world. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Since the narcissist keeps a stable of women in their stash when the time comes for them to discard you, they can move on quickly. Why? Smear Campaign: Is a narcissist trying to ruin your rep? This led to a petition known as “Shane’s Law” to propose a law that would legally protect victims from the underhanded bullying methods that narcissists often use to get away with emotionally harming their victims. X's covert smear campaign has been one of the hardest things to go through. Smear campaigns. Up until the middle of last year I used to try to defend myself against his claims, especially as it has been very uncomfortable being around his family the few times he has seen his child. ), Get Unstuck After Narcissistic Abuse: Your Personal Passion Plan, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com, Is The Narcissist Spying On You? I borrowed the money for a Christian attorney and after 5 grueling hours in court…..with me 3-1/2 hours on the witness stand forced to hear her malicious attacks on my character and only having to actually answer half a dozen questions that were allowed, she proved herself to be ingenuous and malicious even to the jusge (a stauch woman rights advocate). He uses my defense method against me with all new.people that I mwet, and because of these recordings, they all thin k I am a horrible person. If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse and you’re now thinking about entering the dating world again, there are some things you need to think about first. We only think they do because we’re the target. What is the ‘smear campaign’? This is, in fact, a narcissist’s end game throughout the entire relationship! The narcissist recruits family members, (who become enablers) to help ostracise their victim. So, although I do mostly maintain a keep silent about her policy, occasionally I do talk. They have a way of tricking us into talking, defending, explaining…..you don’t have to play into that game anymore. A smear campaign is when the narcissist tells anyone who will listen how cruel & unreasonable you were to her, how she doesn’t understand how you can treat her this way after all she did for you & other similar nonsense. When I was growing up, I always thought the word ânarcissistâ meant conceitedâ¦someone who spent to much time in the mirror, grooming himself or... Recognizing the pathological behaviors of the narcissistic personality…. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. If there are mutual friends, co-workers, or children involved, there will always be radioactive fallout but it’s not nearly as scary as it appears to be. You are more powerful than you know! May God bless and give each of you strength as you navigate and heal from your own narcissistic ordeal.
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