good mothers losing custody

They deny dad access to or visitation with the child. by Annette Johnson In child custody cases, courts must decide who is the best primary caregiver for the child(ren). How many good mothers lose custody of their children? California National Organization for Women. Today the same experts who once tyrannized women with their advice about the importance of the mother-child bond are, in the context of a custody battle, ready to ignore it or refer to it, if at all, as of only temporary importance. The child isn’t old enough. What may be wrong with the mother is that she and her children are being systematically impoverished, psychologically and legally harassed, and physically battered by the very father who is fighting for custody. Brown, A. L. 2008 Criminal Rewards: The Impact of Parent Alienation Syndrome on Families. Indeed, the vast majority of mothers and fathers who do not have primary custody of their children have never been proven unfit. & Beeker, E. 2013 Equity Audit & Root Cause analysis, National Family Court Watch Project. Specifically, the court wants to see that you actively support your child’s relationship with his father, and you encourage that relationship to develop. Take on the Family Law System. Especially if he has an attorney, you may find yourself up the proverbial creek without a paddle. http://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&id=2WuNPdaWnYoC&dq=corrupt+family+court&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=l5coAvUBpZ&sig=H4zG_T47ePqwAIv_XHBy-nhCEII&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA2,M1, Goldstein, B. Many guardian ad litems, parenting counsellors, mediators, lawyers, mental health professionals, and judges still act as if this is a real syndrome and that mothers, not fathers, are mainly guilty in this regard. Mothers were never legally entitled to custody of their own children. Children are being successfully brainwashed by fathers—but mothers are being accused of brainwashing. What’s in your divorce seminar that I can’t find on Google? 2004 Protective Mothers in Child Custody Disputes: A Study of Judicial Abuse. That generation of children is now also starting to speak. Seriously. Nor should good fathers be losing custody to mothers. Today more and more mothers, as well as the leadership of the shelter movement for battered women, have realized that battered women risk losing custody if they seek child support or if they attempt to limit visitation. Help because you know court costs are expensive, legal difficulties can be formidable, and even though a mother can love her children with all her heart, a good mother can lose custody under misapplied law, or without the help of a good attorney, or when she does not know the law or how to negotiate court proceedings, or she simply lacks money. McIntosh, J. Smyth, B. Kelaher, M. Wells, Y. If the court feels like dad will work harder to ensure that both of you have time with the child, you could potentially risk losing custody. Look no further than our super popular seminars. In the somber spirit of the U.S. suffragettes, the Argentine Mothers of the Disappeared, the Turkish Saturday mothers, the German Rose Street Women, and most recently, the Liberian women who stopped a civil war, American mothers gathered at the White House to "ask our President to meet with us and to help stop the systematic removal and oppression of our children by family court.". That’s not a good feeling. You may not present to your best ability, and, in a lot of cases, there’s a lot riding on how the parties present themselves in the courtroom. It’s a skill that most attorneys learn over years and years of practice, and with much less emotion involved than you’re already dealing with. Bruch, C.S. Good fathers definitely exist. Where real assets exist, judges have the power to award more of them to mothers and children. Location: 1604 Hilltop West Executive Center, Suite 300, Virginia Beach, VA 23451, USA, Starts: 6:30 pm. Mothers are commodified; they are viewed as interchangeable with a paternal grandmother or a second wife. These cases commonly involve domestic violence, child abuse, and substance abuse. Eventually, Collins fled the country with her children and, on the basis of her legal documentation, was granted political asylum in Holland. Online Resources The Help Moms Project (helpmomsprotect.com) offers an extensive online collection of resources to assist mothers facing custody disputes. Mothers losing custody to abusers Human Rights Violations of Mothers and Children Worldwide Documented for UN On August 2, The Women’s Coalition PAC submitted a claim to the UN documenting the human rights violations of mothers and children worldwide, calling on the UN to take action. Abuse Part 1. The mothers of these children are viewed as having "coached" or "alienated" the children and, on this basis alone, are seen as "unfit" mothers. McIntosh, J. Since 9/11, Dr. Chesler has focused on the rights of women, dissidents, and gays in the Islamic world; on anti-Semitism and the demonization of Israel; the psychology of terrorism; the nature of propaganda; and honor-related violence. They do not launch custody battles from hell. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination. 5. http://aja.ncsc.dni.us/domviol/publications_domviobooklet.htm, American Psychological Association 1996 Presidential Task Force Report, Violence and the Family. Litigation is hard work. Hey, it’s not easy! I told you they were important, and they are. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child’s life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual and physical needs of the child; 4. Research indicates that that custody litigation can become a vehicle whereby batterers and child abusers attempt to extend or maintain their control and authority over their victims after separation. He starts to feel like no matter what he asks for, you’ll tell him no. Women (mothers) were obliged to bear, to rear, and economically support children. American University Journal of Gender, Social Policy, and Law, 11;657-731.http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1768029. Moran, S. 1975 Courts and Custody: A Break for Fathers? Kingston, N.J. Horta, B.L. But, in general, the judge wants both parents involved in the child’s life. Dr. Chesler is co-founder of the Association for Women in Psychology (1969), the National Women's Health Network (1974), and the International Committee for the original Jerusalem-based Women of the Wall (1989). A custody battle may have profound legal, economic, social, psychological, and even medical consequences for years afterwards; perhaps forever. Joint custody is seen as fair, progressive, feminist, and in the child's "best interest"—even though a number of recent studies have shown that under certain conditions joint custody may be harmful to the children involved (McIntosh, 2003; McIntosh et al., 2011).According to Johnston, Kline & Tschann (1989), "a link was consistently found between frequency of visitation/transitions between parents and [child] maladjustment.' Mothers Losing Custody, Reasons. All states have some kind of version of these “best interests” factors, but they do vary somewhat from state to state. I purviewed the Gender Bias in the Courts reports. (Morrison, 2009:49). Mothers are losing custody of their children to their abusers even in cases where family violence is documented with hospital records, convictions, and restraining orders. As the number of mothers without custody grows, so will the reasons why. In 1986, I co-organized the first-ever national speak-out on mothers losing custody of children. Be the mother. Need a little more information than you can get from a book? Affilia, 23, 388-396. http://aff.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/23/4/388, Bemiller, M. 2008 When Battered Mothers Lose Custody: A Qualitative Study of Abuse at Home and in the Courts. Two years ago, Erika Johnson gave birth to her first child. (2011) found serious patterns of disturbance and distress among children subjected to regimens of shared parenting. (NRFC). The age and physical and mental condition of each parent; 3. When she had trouble breast-feeding, a nurse soothed her by saying that many mothers find nursing hard at first.Then the nurse called social services. But, parents can sabotage their chances of custody if they are not careful. Here are three of the most common that we see: 1. http://store.canow.org/products.php?prod_id=3, The Association for Children For Enforcement of Support, (ACES)http://childsupport-aces.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=1&limit=1&limitstart=1, The National Coalition for Family Justice http://www.ncfj.org/, The Courageous Kids Network. Sometimes, it happens that, even though a mom is a good mom, she loses custody. http://www.who.int/maternal_child_adolescent/documents/9241595230/en/, Johnston, J. R., Kline, M., & Tschann, J. M. 1989 Ongoing postdivorce conflict in families contesting custody: Do joint custody and frequent access help? More recently she released An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir. Conclusion In conclusion, I reiterate the central thesis of my previous work (Chesler, 1986, 1991, 2011), namely that `good enough' mothers are losing custody of their children, on a massive scale, frequently to violent and abusive men. Strategies and Policy Issues. It was clear that Kersten, not Lee, had reared their children from birth "without the aid of a governess" and that Lee would probably require the aid of a "third party" housekeeper-governess were he to gain sole custody. Goldstein (2010) for The National Organisation for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS), claims that 90% of the cases referred to by the courts as 'high conflict cases' are cases involving abusive men. There are places for healthy emotional release, just not in front of the kids. With a few exceptions, most of my 2010 mother-interviewees said that the system was "corrupt;" that lawyers and judges don't care about "justice," are "very biased" or can be "bought and sold," a finding that is empirically supported by the Texas Courtwatch project (Ford, 2006) and by Bemiller (2008). Askre-Edgehouse, M. A. If a parent resorts to feeding the kids nothing but processed stuff all day, every day, they might risk losing custody of their kids. You may be in over your head. The children of African slaves and Native American Indians; the children of immigrant, impoverished, sick, or "immoral" parents, were all "untenderly" appropriated by slave owners and by the state, clapped into orphanages, workhouses, and reformatories or farmed out into apprenticeships for "their own good.". Indeed, the vast majority of mothers and fathers who do not have primary custody of their children have never been proven unfit. A custody battle can take a very long time and may range from several years to as many as twenty. Johnson and her husband are both blind, which concerned the nurse and caused a social worker to put their baby Mikaela in foster care for 57 days. (2004), Smart & Sevenhuijsen (1989), Winner (1996) and Neustein & Goetting (1999) supporting the feminist interpretation, many things have not changed since Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody was first published. Family courts have made it easy for batterers to abuse their families, and in this manner the abuse is legal. In conclusion, I reiterate the central thesis of my previous work (Chesler, 1986, 1991, 2011), namely that 'good enough' mothers are losing custody of their children, on a massive scale, frequently to violent and abusive men. It’s a fine line to walk, but working with the GAL is key to success in your custody case. These mothers said that social workers, mental health professionals, guardians ad litem, and parent co-ordinators, especially if they were women, actively "disliked" and were "cruel and hostile" to them as women. Tweet. Ends: 10:00 am In 2009, 2010, and 2011, Dr. Chesler published three pioneering academic studies on honor killings and an academic article about the Burqa, in Middle East Quarterly. Alt… National Organisation for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS), Child Custody Task Group, Grieco, H. Allen, R. & Friedlin, J. eds 2004 Disorder in the Courts: Mothers and Their Allies. (Well, they don’t always know it, but that’s the gist of what they’re telling me.) Share. For the first edition of Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody, I interviewed sixty mothers and fifty-five fathers, all of whom had been involved in custody disputes in the family courts. Please keep in mind that this site is for "GOOD" mothers. The presumption that mothers have the upper hand in custody battles is a … Incredibly, mothers also risk losing custody if they accuse fathers of beating or sexually abusing them or their children — even or especially if these allegations are supported by experts (Chesler, 2011). Most mothers are caught and imprisoned; their children are given to their abusers. In 2009 and 2010, I focused on interviewing more than 50 mothers from 21 American states, from Canada, and from a number of European and Middle Eastern countries. http://www.lundybancroft.com/pages/b_as_parent.html, Brown, A. L. 2008 Criminal Rewards: The Impact of Parent Alienation Syndrome on Families. From mothers' rights advocacy groups to law firms that specialize in helping mothers in danger of losing their children, help is available for those who need it most. That is the subject of another book. However, a stronger pattern of evidence is emerging of battered women losing custody to their batterers. Nevertheless, from the 1980s on, joint custody was being enthusiastically implemented. A child custody lawyer can explain a father’s custody rights in terms that the average person will understand. Due to shifts in traditional roles, working mothers, going through divorce, now face even tougher challenges—including unparalleled custody wars. This extensive research (five years, people), has so far culminated in the following five surprising ways a perfectly good parent can lose custody in a divorce case: 1. Or maybe you’re trying to figure out how to get custody of a child from an unfit mother. If you yourself have ever abused or neglected your children and your children have been given custody to their father or someone else this site is NOT for you. Those fathers who fight tend to win custody, not because mothers are unfit or because fathers have been the primary caretakers of their children but because mothers are women and are also held to a much higher standard of parenting. What if my pay barely covers daycare costs: The Virginia Child Support Guidelines, Part 2, How does going back to work impact the child support I receive? http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.html, Flood, M. 2010 "Father's Rights" and the Defense of Paternal Authority in Australia. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child’s changing developmental needs; 2. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/123/3/e406, Waller , G. 2001 Small Justice: Little Justice in America's Family Courts.http://www.intermedia-inc.com/title.asp?sku=DE06&subcatID=29, Waller, G. 2006 Debating Richard Gardner: A program designed to stimulate discussion and to help experts understand the controversy surrounding Parental Alienation Syndrome. Chesler, P. 1988 Sacred Bond: The Legacy of Baby M, New York, Times Books. This is not an idle boast; I have a signed certificate that says so. So, why would a good mom lose custody? The appellate courts were however, more favourable to mothers. Of course, that’s not something that you can do if he’s a total deadbeat, but if your child’s father wants to be involved and you make it virtually impossible for him to see the child, you are running a pretty big risk. In Disorder in the Courts: Mothers and Their Allies Take on the Family Law System. 2001 Parental Alienation Syndrome and Parental Alienation: Getting It Wrong in Child Custody Cases. week-on/week-off, "was associated with "disorganized attachment" in 60 percent of infants under 18 months and McIntosh et al. Well, it really all depends on the unique factors in each case, but there are some similar themes we tend to see among cases like these. Sometimes this comes in the form of “corporal punishment” such as spanking or other physical acts of punishing a child – there is a fine line between discipline and physical abuse. Dr Chesler is one of the major figures in the history of contemporary feminism. Some have been known to lose custody simply because of lack of funds - and for no other reason. Neglect that may cause a mother to lose custody of her child includes conduct that jeopardizes necessities. No stronger case can be made for the failure to protect children in America than was made by this mother's flight and the Dutch decision which is portrayed by producers Garland Waller and Barry Nolan in a compelling and brilliant way. More than ever, I am counseling mothers on how to not lose custody of their children. By Annette Johnson | January 29, 2015. Stahly, G. B., Krajewski, L., Loya, B. Uppal, K., German, G., Farris, W., Hilson, N., & Valentine, J. Ends: 8:00 pm That question inspired psychologist and expert courtroom witness Phyllis Chesler to write Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody.This impeccably researched book–originally published in 1986 and now updated for the 21st century–provides an historical overview of divorce and custody. Their mother, Kersten Salk, was not accused of being an "unfit" mother. Maybe you’re reading this to avoid losing custody. Child Abuse. Though I often hear from women that they don’t know […], 1604 Hilltop West Executive Center, Suite 300, Virginia Beach, VA 23451 (757) 785-9761, 1403 Greenbrier Parkway, Suite 150 Chesapeake, VA 23320(757) 550-2637, 161 Walt Whitman Ave Newport News, VA 23606 (757) 707-8225. New York, Regan Books. Good moms lose custody for all sorts of reasons. Why? Good mothers should not be losing custody to fathers. And, when fathers do assume primary caretaker obligations, traditional judges may view them, unfairly, as "sissies," or 'losers." Lest it be thought that women's allegations of Domestic Violence and child abuse are fabricated in the context of divorce litigation, a perusal of the evidence rapidly dispels that myth (Meier, 2003; American Psychological Association 1996; Thoennes & Tjaden, 1990; Flood, 2010). I hear it all the time: “The Guardian ad litem hated me.”  “The Guardian ad litem had it out for me.”  “The GAL didn’t even TALK to me!”  “The Guardian ad litem liked him better from the start.”  Whatever it is, it’s super duper common to hate the GAL.Guardians ad litem aren’t involved in cases to make friends – they’re there to help make a recommendation to the judge regarding custody and visitation. And it happens over and over and over again. Specifically, the myth that custody decisions invariably favour women needed to be challenged. Also, many mothers found that female professionals were often completely taken in by charming, sociopathic men and by men who were dangerously violent and who sexually abused their children. Abrams, R., & Greaney, J. This … Who doesn’t want to hold on tight? Academic literature, campaigning and lobbying are increasingly raising awareness about the issues, but have not garnered sufficient resources to overcome the scale of the problem. A mother might be upset by this, particularly if the father didn’t do a lot of hands-on care. The fact that this theory, first pioneered by Dr. Richard Gardner has been dismissed as "junk science," on multiple fronts for example by Wood (1994) Brown (2008) and Bruch (2001), does not seem to have brought about an end to the use of the theory. (Quoted in Moran, 1975). The fastest way to lose custody of your children is to show you are not in control of yourself. Although mothers still received no wages for their work at home and far less than equal pay for equal work outside the home; although most fathers had yet to assume an equal share of home and child care, divorced fathers began to campaign for equal rights to sole custody, alimony, and child support, and for mandatory joint custody. I can see how it could happen. (Chesler, 1991). The purpose here is to document the significant social change over the last quarter century during which, women have significantly lost custody to men, many of whom are violent and abusive to women and children. He asks for time, and you don’t want to give it. Collins was a battered mother whose battered and terrified children were given to their batterer in Minnesota. Even mothers on active duty, serving overseas, find themselves at risk of losing custody of their children. We are not accepting comments at this time, please go to the Facebook page to generate discussion! She interviewed Gardner himself at length and provided a devastating critique of his theory of "parental alienation," a theory that has frequently been used to separate mothers and children. Yes, you can represent yourself. Her peril is also financial, because court costs and attorney fees are usually beyond the reach of most mothers. An entire generation of children has now been raised in the history that the parents have described to me and that I have documented. This paper argues that although discrimination against men is evident in the family courts, there is an even greater custodial vulnerability of women. If you’re preparing for a custody case, you’ll want to know and understand these factors – after all, it’s what you’ll base your entire case on!In Virginia, there are ten best interests of the child factors: 1. My research on this topic has involved extensive interviewing with the affected parties and interests. Domestic Violence and the Courtroom: Understanding the Problem...Knowing the Victim. These cases, he argues, "should be being decided overwhelmingly in favor of protective mothers because most of the fathers are abusive, but 70% of the cases result in custody or joint custody to the father." What has changed since I first started researching and writing about custody battles? Worse: Children whom mandated reporters (a physician, a school nurse or teacher) report as having been sexually abused by their fathers, are usually given to those very fathers. Thousand Oaks, CA, Sage. What many people don’t realise is that it’s easy to lose custody of a child. I got this question the other day – what’s in the divorce seminar that I can’t find on Google – […], On Monday, I wrote about Virginia’s child support guideline calculations, and what might happen to child support in a situation […], There’s a lot of mystery surrounding the child support guidelines. Usually, they tell me that they did one of these three things wrong. After all, they’re only little for a little while. Perhaps they expected women to be more compassionate towards other women; in this, they were sadly mistaken. Affilia, 23, 388-396. http://aff.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/23/4/388. Legal. Share. When custody cases are litigated (meaning they go in front of a judge to be decided, rather than being agreed upon between the parties), judges use the best interests of the child factors to determine what’s most appropriate for the children. When it comes to how can a mother lose custody of her child, here are the 5 reasons mothers lose custody. In conclusion, I reiterate the central thesis of my previous work (Chesler, 1986, 1991, 2011), namely that 'good enough' mothers are losing custody of their children, on a massive scale, frequently to violent and abusive men. They will try to give the child equal time with both parents. As Goldstein (2010) has shown- Custody Courts are sending children to live with their abusers. Child custody disputes can be long and drawn out. Thoennes, N. & Tjaden, P. G. 1990 The Extent, Nature, and Validity of Sexual Abuse Allegations in Custody/Divorce Disputes, Child Abuse & Neglect, 14;151;153-54. Location: Various fun and exciting destinations throughout Hampton Roads, Copyright © 2020 | Hofheimer Family Law Firm, Deciding Whether to Save or End Your Marriage, What Every Virginia Woman Should Know About Divorce, The Women’s Guide To Hiring An Outstanding Family Law Attorney, I understand and agree to the terms. Chesler, P. 1991 Mothers on Trial: The Custodial Vulnerability of Women, Feminism and, Psychology, Oct;1; 3;409-425. http://fap.sagepub.com/content/1/3/409.abstract, Chesler, P. 1997-8 Confessions of an Expert Witness, Women's Rights Law Reporter, 19;2;161- 6.http://heinonline.org/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/worts19&div=17&id=&page=&collection=journals#169, Chesler, P. 2011 Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody, Chicago Review Press.Dallam, S. 2008 Are "Good Enough" Parents Losing Custody to Abusive Ex-Partners? So, remember those best interests of the child factors? By Sally Abrahms posted Nov 10th, 2009 at 12:00am Custody cases like Julie’s are increasingly being played out in family courtrooms across the country. REPORTS BY PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS IV. Neustein, A., & Goetting, A. There are numerous reasons why a judge would give full custody to mothers. Fathers lose custody the same way mothers do. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child’s contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child; 7. In truth, child custody decisions are made based on the best interest of the child, leaving fathers with just as much right to custody as mothers have. 2003 Enduring Conflict in Parental Separation: Pathways of Impact on ChildDevelopment, Journal of Family Studies, April;9;63-80.

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